AFTER Valentine’s Day: 5 Ways to Keep the Flame Alive
Keeping love alive in our marriages is hard work, especially because we give and receive love differently. If we don’t understand how our spouse receives love, our marriages may dry up and we won’t understand why. We need to understand each other’s way of receiving love.
Keeping the Love Tank Full
Love takes a preeminent place in human behavior, yet this word has many dimensions and interpretations. The marriage relationship itself is primarily intended to foster love and intimacy. Marriage is also the primary place where that inner “love tank” can be filled.
Falling in Love
Though the “falling-in-love” experience is exciting, it is short-lived and largely self-centered. Love that truly contributes to our spouse’s emotional well-being is based on reason, will and discipline. The latter alone contains the possibility of transformation and completion.
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
Lovers for Life
Gary Chapman, Zig Ziglar, Dr. Gary Smalley
Compliments, words of encouragement and requests rather than demands all affirm the self-worth of your spouse. They create intimacy, heal wounds and bring out the full potential of your other half.
Love Language #2: Quality Time
Spending quality time together through sharing, listening and participating in joint meaningful activities communicates that we truly care for and enjoy each other.
Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts
Gifts are visual symbols of love, whether they are items you purchased or made, or are merely your own presence made available to your spouse. Gifts demonstrate that you care, and they represent the value of the relationship.
Love Language #4: Acts of Service
Criticism of your spouse’s failure to do things for you may be an indication that “acts of service” is your primary love language. Acts of service should never be coerced but should be freely given and received, and completed as requested.
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
Physical touch, as a gesture of love, reaches to the depths of our being. As a love language, it is a powerful form of communication from the smallest touch on the shoulder to the most passionate kiss.
Discovering Your Primary Love Language
There are some basic but essential questions you need to ask to discover your primary love language. What do you request the most? What makes you feel the most loved? What hurts you deeply? What do you desire most of all? These provide the critical clues.
Love Is a Choice and Love Makes the Difference
Choosing to love in the language of our spouse has many benefits. It can help heal past wounds and provide a sense of security, self-worth and significance. Yet the instinctive qualities of merely falling in love differ greatly from choices of the will that meet the deep emotional needs of the spouse.
Note: Excerpt taken from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Copyright © 1995 by Gary D. Chapman. Used by permission of Northfield Publishing.
