Training Your Kids in a Faith That Lasts
One day a little three-year-old boy, who was a regular attender at our church, came into one of our classrooms with a Lego figurine sword.
As you can imagine, it was very small. Our teacher immediately placed it in an envelope because of its size and because she knew it was valuable to this little guy. She did not want it to get lost, and she planned to hand it back to his mother when the class was over.
“Good things as well as bad, you know, are caught by a kind of infection. If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire: if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into, the thing that has them. . . . They are a great fountain of energy and beauty spurting up at the very center of reality. If you are close to it, the spray will wet you: if you are not, you will remain dry.”
Well, both the teacher and child forgot about the sword, weeks and eventually months went by. Finally, one morning, the teacher remembered as the mother checked her son into the class. She told the mom that she had the little sword for months and wanted to give it to her so she would not forget it again. Immediately, the mother of this boy started to cry. She started to explain to the teacher with tears running down her cheeks that her son had been looking for this toy sword for the past several months. The mother said that, finally, the night before the class, he had come running out of his room and said God told him that tomorrow his Sunday School teacher would give it to them. The mother thought what her son said was “cute” but did not realize until the moment the teacher handed this toy sword to her that morning at church that God had actually spoken to her son and that her son had heard God speaking. It moved her and changed the way she saw her son.
Children must learn to have their own connection and relationship with God. Parents and leaders must model great relationships with the Father, but many times children are just assumed to have a relationship with God because they are brought to church, they attend a Christian school, their parents are Christians, etc. Assumptions do not count in the Kingdom of God. Jesus demonstrated many examples of coming into relationship with God the Father. The one assumption many parents make is that, if they bring their children to church, church will walk their children through the relationship. Hearing teaching at church is one way children can hear about the salvation of Jesus and can expose them to the truth. This works for some children. The problem, though, is we are looking at salvation as fire insurance against hell. We need to reveal the Father to our children as a relationship for life.
Our job as parents is to take our children to the Father’s hand and let them have their own connection and relationship with Him. A great way to start is by example. In my book, I show you how to connect to who children are in God’s design, and I show you how to have them connect to God Himself. Children must know who they are in Christ, know who God is, know how to connect to Him, and know how God wants to use them in their lives. With these four keys of foundational knowledge and understanding, I think we are doing more for them and their spiritual lives than if all we ensure they did was say a prayer of salvation. God wants us to know Him deeply, and He wants to be invited into every area of our lives.
“We need to reveal the Father to our children as a relationship for life.”
I grew up in church yet I did not fully know God for myself. To be honest, my relationship with God is one of constant discovery. I find out new things about Him and my own identity in Him each day. We are not going to know the fullness of God in our walk on this earth, but we should do our best to get to know Him. And when it comes to our children’s spiritual lives, we want to connect them to Him as soon as we possibly can.
I was in college when I discovered the person of the Holy Spirit for the first time. Growing up, the Holy Spirit was someone I heard about from the book of Acts. I was never taught He was supposed to be a part of my life just as much as He was a part of the believers’ lives in the book of Acts. This season of my life shifted so much of my awareness of God. I realized that there was more to discover about Him and His Kingdom. It was another facet to the Deity of God, but also in my discovery of Him I found out more about who I was and how I responded to this new person. It broadened my relationship and understanding of God and myself. Right then, I vowed to myself that my children would know God the Father, Jesus the Son of God, and the Holy Spirit our Counselor and Guide. I chose then and there to help lead my children into their own discovery from my personal discovery.
There can be a time when your children will ride your coattails of relationship with God. They may even ride your coattails of faith. There should be, however, an “and then” in their walk, like learning to walk without your hands holding them up. This is when they experience the fullness of God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit for themselves. The wholeness of God may be someone they hear about, but there should be an “and then” when they experience the Godhead. This makes the lives of our children come to a place of life flowing in and out of them. This is their journey of discovery even if what they’re experiencing comes as a result of witnessing the life of a great example.
If you are a parent, it is important to realize that God chose you to be the parent to your children for a reason. I cannot think of my children without thinking of the word legacy. To me, a legacy is something I am leaving to my children. For me, it is something that does not die with me but lives on beyond myself and even beyond ensuing generations. I want my children to take what I have given them not just in value, but in values and character, and then add to that. When they take what I have given them, what I have laid my life down with them in mind and handed to them, then they themselves may add to this, resulting in compound interest in their lives and in the lives of their children. They can pass this very same approach on to their children. This can go on and on when instilled well into your children.
“Your home should be the center of your connection with God and your children’s connection with God.”
God is eternal, and His design is eternal. When I think of this concept of legacy, I think it can be an eternal concept if it is picked up by the next generation and they themselves add to it. You were chosen by God to create legacy in your family. Again, this is the idea that “our ceiling is their floor.” We get to create legacy whether we know it or not. Our children can be given something amazing, or they may be given something that does not produce life. There are many times we all have said, “I will never raise my children the way my parents raised me.” However, you can decide to change how you parent by not parenting like your parents did or by taking some great nuggets of wisdom in how your parents raised you as a kind of legacy and choosing to deposit it along with your own knowledge, wisdom, and values in your children.
This relationship with God starts with you. Your homes should be the center of your connection with God and your children’s connection with God. The Church should be the reinforcement of connection with God. Without my church, family, Christian school, and community, my children would not have had reinforcement. I am so thankful for the people who came around my children, my husband, and myself and instilled value and connection to God. Without them, I am not sure I would have the same children who have hearts connected to who they are, connected to who God is, and connected to how God wants to use them in their lives. It really does take a village to reinforce these values and concepts.
Our lives at home should be the most authentic and real places to model our connections. I am not saying our homes have to be perfect because that is not real or attainable. But our homes must be real and authentic. So many times, I have gone to God messy, and my children have watched me walk out my messiness. I think messiness with an honoring posture is freeing for others to watch. I remember one such time when our dog’s foot was broken in a freak accident in our home. In that moment, I clearly did not model my connection to God. I say “clearly” because my daughter saw my face. It said that I was immediately frustrated and angry. She stopped me in that moment and told me that it was going to be okay. She encouraged me to pray for God to help and heal our dog. She was able to come to me, her mother, in that moment and speak hope and truth. She addressed the messiness of my emotions and knew I could be better at how I was approaching this moment. She knew she could do this because she saw me in a better posture before. We live out our process with God for our children to see, including the best of us and the not-so-best parts of us.
Activation:
1. Start collecting things like art supplies, worship cloths, or Bibles for your children.
2. Place what you’ve collected for each child in a basket or bin.
3. Make a special spot in your home to rest with God.
Make a tent in your children’s room to talk to God.
Have a special blanket that is designated for your time with God.
Have your children help create this space.
Make this space special for you and your children.
Let your children know they can bring their basket or bin with them in this space.
Make sure you have a space as well in the same space or in a different space.
